My Story

Recently I have been nudged by multiple people to start writing on a blog again and participating in social media.

The last time I blogged and did this was in 2014, so much time has passed and yet it still feels like only a little while ago.

I have hesitated and finally feel ready to begin again. Writing for me was so freeing, it was one of the first steps in my journey to health and I realize that sharing my story and thoughts is a gift I have to keep giving.

So ten years ago, it all began. And now it begins again.

It was February of 2010 when I stopped listening to the voices in my head that told me I was not good enough just long enough to make a big choice. I chose life. I chose to join Weight Watchers desperate for a change, I thought if I could just lose weight then I would be happy. I had hit rock bottom of being obese and depressed and was staring at a 6 month old little girl who was all mine. The weight of being her mother crushed me, it forced me to want to change, not for me but for her. Becoming a mother was the catalyst for me seeking new life.

It took me 2 years but I did it, I lost 120 pounds and I became a marathon runner with my sight set on more. Ultramarathons. See both women in the photos were internally unhealthy, one craved a new body and the other got it but still craved more.

As the ‘Fit Bee’ I shared my journey on a blog that became popular. I cheered others on their journey and they cheered mine and it felt good to be a part of something. I found myself gaining attention I had never had in my life and I enjoyed it. With attention and popularity online also came loneliness, it seemed others wanted the fit bee and not Colleen and I became lost in different ways.

That journey to deep longing to be loved would send me seeking it in wrong places as I wrestled with a new life. I switched careers I went from being a store manager to personal trainer and nutrition coach at a women’s gym. I started a new relationship and started speaking up for my feelings. And I started attending a church, something I had walked away from around age 17.

Christ was calling me back to His arms to a new relationship where I would surrender to not my own will but His. I began to feel new life and enjoyed this new found relationship. But it was only the beginning.

I spent years seeking out running ultras as a way to battle the depression my darkness as I called it, and anxious thoughts. I loved God but it wasn’t enough I was still seeking more.

In the midst of taking classes for my bachelors degree I began a class studying the Gospel of John. This was a catalyst once again I found myself eagerly devouring the Word and studying it in new ways. And one day while I was out trying to outrun my depression the verse came to me that would ignite restoration within my heart. John 1:5 “The Light shines in the darkness and the darkness has NOT overcome it”

I began to journey through my past hurts and through counseling I began to see how unhealthy I was mentally. I began to be inspired in new ways, I began to understand what mental health was. I eagerly devoured all I could and before I knew it I was applying to graduate programs to become a mental health counselor.

The first day on campus at Regent University attending morning chapel and lectures all day, was one of my most memorable. I finally felt home. I finally felt that yearning begin to close a bit. I knew that I was in the right place at the right time I had a peace. I knew my career would be to help inspire others like I had dreamed of as a fitness trainer but this was so much more. I saw the path to helping others get healthy in their mind body and soul.

To help others feel empowered and unlock their own potential to become whole.

One response to “My Story”

  1. […] know from my personal journey, that there is hope for those of us who battle depression. Just because it runs in your family, or […]

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